RANT OF THE DAY: Wal-mart's Bootleg Candles

So I heard thru the grapevine that Wal-Mart was releasing a line of seasonal 3wick candles for Christmas. My initial thought was "OH NO THEY DIDN'T!!!" Obviously the makers of these candle bootlegs caught wind of the increasing popularity of BBW's candles and decided to cash in.Then I saw the infamous Youtube vid of a young lady showering these candles with praise and advising viewers to settle  for these as they are cheaper than BBW's candles and just as good.

Just as good? Really gurlfriend, really?!

Sorry my dear, I don't settle for also-rans! That's like orderin steak and getting a meatloaf instead. I want a damn steak! And that's how I feel about my candles!

Anyhoo, fast forward to today. I just happened to be in Wal-Mart (which is right across the street from me) getting some last minute Christmas decoration. Just on a whim, I passed the candle section and wondered if by chance they were there. They were indeed. There they stood  in their ghetto-fabulous glory...



Tell me that is not a BBW ripoff! 14.5 oz 3wick...silver lid with rubber lining...stock photo label...vague name...it's like BBW candles from a different Bizarro parallel dimension, like BBW evil twins.

Well when I saw them, I couldn't help but start laughing my ass off. I'm sure people thought I was nuts. And me whipping out my phone to take a pic certainly wasn't proving my case. I texted it to my bf who thought it was hilarious! Anyhoo, after that I thought I'd be adventurous and give em a whiff...just for curiousity's sake They basically smelled exactly how I thought they would...cheap and generic!

What I thought was even more comical was that there was a candle that almost exactly corresponded to a BBW candle!

Midnight Snow was Wally World's Sparkling Icicles. This was probably the grossest of them all. To me, it honestly smelled like morning breath!

Under the Mistletoe...well obviously, Merry Mistletoe...although this kinda smelled more like Fresh Balsam...well Unfresh Balsam...actually Unfresh Ballsack!

Cozy Fire..duh, Fireside. Poor Wal-Mart, they tried; close but no cigar. It smells like a cheap leather recliner that someone's ass has already marked theirs.

Deck the Halls...I can't think of a BBW counterpart of this one. This one was really strange; it smelled like a mix of balsam and stale day old fruitcake.

Winter Magic, Walmart's version of Winter. Sorry Wally World, you can't beat a Slatkin era scent with it's uniqueness and complexity. It's like a cheap watered down Winter sans the orange clove. It kinda reminded me of a cheap generic Vapor Rub

Tis the Season or rather their take of Tis the Season. Chile I don't know what season Walmart thinks it I but this tisn't it!. BBW's TIS totally embodies Christmas time...this one not so much. It's a weird plum almost grape-like scent. I get what Wally World was tryin to do...y'know, visions of sugar plums dancing in your head. Yeah no!

And lastly, Toast to the Season..the poor man's Cranberry Pear Bellini. I think this one made me laugh the most cuz it's so ridiculously cheap and unseasonal. It smells like straight cherry flavored Kool-Aid, like the actual sugared powder in the pack. I was just waiting for the big guy himself to burst thru a wall somewhere with a mighty hearty "OH YEAAAAAHHH!!!" Wally World should've just kept it real and called it what it was...Ghetto Punch or Red Drank!

Apparently there were two more scents that weren't in attendance that smelled better than their BBW counterparts - Cookies for Santa (Merry Cookies) and Hot Toddy (Spiced Apply Toddy/Leaves). I'm reserving some judgment til I can actually smell them.

Now as ratchet as these ghettorific bootlegs are...and they are...they seem to be getting high marks in the burn department. Despite their skinny anemic wicks, they apparently burn well and the candles sport even wax pools and decent throws.

I just can't..not even my most desperate candle burnin hour!

Despite BBW's many ridiculous and uncalled for hijinks, I don't think I could bring myself to seriously consider jumping ship to buy these. Yankee or Village, possibly. But these, no maam madame! Could never!

And the end of the day, most cheap things are cheap for a reason. I'm willing to shell out a bit more money for better quality.

Yep, I'm a snob!

6 comments:

  1. Uh…there is absolutely no way that Walmart, or any other company for that matter, can match the superior fragrance and happiness that comes from a BBW candle.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Half the fun of the BBW candle is the store's atmosphere, itself. That's definitely something you won't get at Walmart !!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Replies
    1. I could call you out on the ridiculousness of your statement or point out the fact that most of what I wrote was for comedic effect but I've better things to do

      *lights candle, sits and relaxes

      Delete

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