MY LAST POST: End of an Era

Have you ever looked back at something in your life that you were once passionate about and/or obsessed with and over time, you found yourself not feeling the same way anymore? Perhaps sort of going thru the motions with it or just completely over it but not ready to admit it?

That's how I feel about B&BW...more to the point, that's how I feel about talking about B&BW as a reviewer.

I've mentioned before that I stopped posting regularly on IG. During last year's lockdown, I would pop my head in with a post or a story just to keep in touch a bit and show I was alive...only to see my post not get as much attention as they used to as well as also watching one follower after the next unfollow me. Apparently if you're not churning out daily content, folks can't be bothered with you, regardless of what's going on in your life. At the start of 2020, I had a little over 6000 followers (even that annoyed me as there were accounts who started later than me and lacked my comprehensive knowledge/acumen and ability to ACTUALLY DESCRIBE A SCENT, still had 10x more followers); as of a few weeks ago, I had 4,980. I saw that number and had enough; last week I deactivated my account.

Then there's this blog that feels like it's on life support at this point. With this pandemic still hanging on with a vice like grip, I can't (or rather chose not to) make trips to my nearest store, so I can't smell things on the regular to review; if I can't review, that kind of makes this review blog redundant and pointless. I could write fluff posts to fill in but that's not why people come here; people want reviews, thoughts and opinions. And I don't want this blog to just be NEWNESS UPDATES of scents I'm never gonna smell, whats the point?

After much introspective soul searching and deliberating, I have decided to give up the ghost - I'm stepping down and away as a reviewer and retiring as Bronzeblogger permanently.

I had already been thinking about it before the pandemic started and only started writing again as a distraction from said pandemic. Honestly though, it felt like a chore. What once took me maybe an hour or 2 to write/edit and felt an electronic charge of excitement now would take me 4-5 hours with me getting distracted as my heart wasn't into what I was writing....which brings me to me next point...

If we can get a little Marie Kondo for a hot sec, BBW no longer sparks joy for me. The lack of newness, the constant repackages and re-releases, the pandering to the basics, the "style over substance" attitude, the crappy burns, the shorted burn time, price increases...like, why am I wasting my money or my time on crap...more importantly crap that longer makes me happy?!

When I started this blog circa 2013, BBW was actually exciting; they gave us something to talk about - I wanted to talk about it which is why I started this blog in the first place. After awhile, BBW just became more and more blah and I became less and less enthused to review anything. I got tired of reviewing so many scents I didn't like or was already tired of as well as always complaing and criticizing..and it would be one thing BBW was actually listening to me and taking what I said into consideration but nope, that wasnt the case. I'm kinda just peeing in the wind with it all flying back in my face.

Also the the climate of the candle community has changed dramatically in recent years and I don't feel like I belong in it anymore. There are so many newbies in the fandom who think BBW current products are the best things ever as they dont know better. More over there are people (particularly on social media) who got into BBW post-Golden Era and hype up every mediocre bargain basement candle that comes out of the warehouse for clout, likes and followers. I don't seem to resonant with both groups who a) dont know the difference between a reviewer and an influencer and a just a fan with a smartphone and b)see my warranted criticism as me being "negative" and a "hater" ; Im not being negative nor am I hating, Im just being honest. I could write a whole diatribe/essay on our culture's discomfort with truth/honesty with backed up intelligence while preferring half-truths and alternative facts and vague nonsense if it makes them feel good.

Lastly, I want to adress something there just isn't a conversation about and it desperately needs to be discussed - obsession and addiction. We all joke about being "candle obsessed" and "addicted to BBW" but it is a real thing; many of us (myself included) are truly obsessed and addicted. Look there's nothing wrong with having a habit and engaging in said habit by buying things to make yourself but there's a fine line and on that other side is mania and obsession which is not healthy. The fact that I was going to BBW several times a month if not a week just to sniff stuff to review...the fact I was going there before work, during lunchbreaks, on free time, on the weekends...the fact I wanted to go there more than any other place... the fact that I felt compelled to always post on here or on IG despite it not being a job with no compensation... the fact that I suddenly felt the need to stock up when I wasn't doing that before...the fact that at one time I had in my possession over 100+ candles...and I was proud of that. When I think of the money I've spent on BBW merch (particularly candles) from 2011 til last year, it makes me sick to my stomach. When I think of my other passions I could've pursued instead of reviewing, it makes me even sicker. Overall, it's just not a good look.

I felt like in some way that I endorsed/sponsored/ perpetuated some problematic aspects within the candle community - buying candles not to burn but to collect (and you already know how I feel about people buying candles just for the labels) and getting on social media to show off. Ugh, and dont get me started on the showing off and the whole "look what I found" attitude within the community. And I was just as guilty.

I think we all need to look at the bigger picture and really ask ourselves why are we spending all this money getting all of these candles and why many of us feel the need to show off what we saw and/or bought. Is it really making us happy? Or are we trying to fill an emotional void with either candles or with likes/follows from posting said candles? For the longest time, I didnt want to admit the sad truth - buying and collecting candles was a distraction of an unsatisfied life and a coping mechanism for my depression. And as for reviewing, actually having a following with folks seeing me as expert with opinions that were genuinely wanted and asked for when I didnt have that in other professional aspect of my life - in short, I felt like a somebody...and that's just sad.

Now that's not to say that everyone who is into BBW is an addict and/or has underlying issues but it is case for many of us and it needs to be addressed.

So I have struggled with depression since my teens, perhaps unknowingly even earlier. Reviewing was, during BBW'S heyday, a nice and pleasant distraction. And coming home to burn a much liked candle or going to my candle vault to sit and huff was lovely #self care. The pandemic threw things out of whack so no more going to stores to sniff and/or buy and with the lack of decent coupons (I don't remember the last time Ive seen or received a free shipping for $20) I'm not about that online shopping life. But the pandemic has given me some perspective. I didnt feel the need to run off to write reviews as my heart wasn't in it and honestly with everything going on in the world, writing about something so first world-y as candles felt overly frivolous. If it were a job that I made a living off of, that would be different but it was just a hobby - a hobby I wasn't enjoying anymore. Now I can just be in the moment and burn even more at my leisure like a average joe. 

So yeah it's been real but it's time. After 8 years of Bronzeblogger-ing, I'm ready to let it go and move on.

I just want to say thank to you dear reader as you are what kept me and this blog going. The fact that when I started this, shitty writing and no style or sense of me and all, I was a nobody that no one paid attention and I went from that to folks calling me an expert and actually wanting know/hear my opinions is wild to me. I've no delusions of grandeur and in the grand scheme of things, this is nothing however I'd be lying if I said that you dear readers made me feel special, a somebody and I'll always treasure that. Once again, thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Bronzeblogger out!....