RANT OF THE DAY: Winter Rose..Spring Balsam..Dafuq?!

Coconut in fall? Roses in winter? Balsam in spring? WTF?!

Are BBW's marketing execs putting a little extra something in their coffee? Are they taking LSD or Breaking Bad meth on their lunchbreaks? There's gotta be some explanation for the downright bizarre CHOICES they're making lately!

Now when Pumpkin Coconut first appeared back in fall 2015, people (basic and non-basic alike) lost their shit. I on the other didn't - COCONUT DOES NOT BELONG IN FALL!!! Now maybe if they had marketing it as a fall bakery treat and called it something like "Spiced Macaroon"...maybe. But "PUMPKIN Coconut"? No! We also saw Vanilla Snowflake repackaged as "Pumpkin Milkshake". As soon as I saw that mess with my own eyes, I knew things at BBW were only gonna get worse

Then the following winter we saw Jingle All the Way...mandarin, apple..COCONUT! Its bad enough that Vanilla Snowflake is still running wild but you throw yet another coconut scent in to the mix?! And the basic bitches of America loved it! We also also Market/Georgia Peach renamed "Golden Peach Sparkle" randomly tossed in the Celebration collection..cuz bitches love peaches, amirite?!

Now let's fast forward to 2016. Spring was kinda weird - there were surprisingly very little floral action goin on and unsurprisingly an overabundance of coconut scents and vaguely tropical scents. Fall, besides a few snafus, was ok and it kinda look like BBW was getting their proverbial shit together.....that is until winter rolled around

Snowflakes and Citrus aka Midnight Blue Citrus...huh?!
Holiday Sparkle aka Bergamot Waters...wait, what?
Peach Meringue..really bitch?!
Candied Pecans aka Pecan Pumpkin Waffles aka Praline Pecan Cobbler...dafuq?!
Sweet Cinnamon Spice aka Shit Cinnamon Poopkin...gurl bye!

And the biggest wtf moment of winter 2015..Winter friggin Rose!

*sigh winter roses are not a thing..because roses don't grow in winter..CUZ IT'S WINTER!

And maybe I could've gotten on board if there was something wintry about the scent - some kind of coolness, a touch of mint, a hint of pine...frankincense and myrrh..SOMETHING. Nope, straightup springtime blossoms...and not rose...PEONY! But (*cough cough basic) people bought it cuz it was pink and sparkly and floral

And now 2017 has arrived only to bring us more wtf-eries from BBW...particularly these 4 cringe-worthy monstrosities...


Okay no granted, Lavender Coconut ain't so bad, but it's a blend I would put together. The other 3...just ugh. I can just hear the marketing pitches for these abominations..

"Ok so we've already done balsam, coconut, and apple;what else can we add to Mahogany Teakwood? What about PEACHES?!!!"

"Lavender and coconut! It's a match made in heaven!"

"Let's take "balsam"(cuz bitches luv balsam) and add "ocean notes"..balsam trees grow by the beach right?"

"Everybody LOVES Leaves right?! Who says you have to have it only in fall?! Call it "Spring Leaves" and make it a spring scent..boom, mindblown!


STOP THE MADNESS BBW!

If you're gonna create "newness", do it all the friggin way and make something unique. Making all these Frankenstein monster of mashed together scents is not creativity, it's laziness!

And adding "spring" or "winter" or "autumn" to the name of a scent does NOT make it seasonal! Buy a friggin calender and commit! Put in the scents that fit not because they're mildly liked by the basic masses!

Furthermore balsam belongs in winter, roses belong in spring, coconut belongs in summer and cinnamon of the pumpkin spice variety belongs in fall!

Get it the everlasting f*** together BBW ..STAT, ASAP, NOW!!!  

1 comment:

  1. LOL! "Get it the everlasting f*** together BBW..." You seriously crack me up! OMG I love it!

    ReplyDelete

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