RANT OF THE DAY: Sexism in BBW/Men who love BBW
It is very intimidating being guy, gay or straight, in a BBW store...
If you are straight, you obviously must be buying something for the little lady. Certainly not yourself. And if you are, you are immediately sent to the "MEN'S" section with all those manly smelling shower gels and body sprays and colognes that emphasizes masculinity ad nauseam because, as a man in an umanly environment, you must be reminded of such.
If you are gay, unless you're super effeminate and flamboyant, you are assumed to be straight and once again are sent to the "MEN'S" section cuz no MAN would be interested in something girly like..oh I dunno...CANDLES!!! And if you are effeminate and flamboyant, it is assumed that you do indeed like the girly stuff so there is no need to bring up the "MEN's" section at all.
This is the overall attitude of both customers and employees.
I myself am an unassuming unflamboyant yet out and proud gay man in a relationship with a man (who does come across as very straight)...and we both love BBW candles and soaps and sprays and shower gels and neither one of us pay much attention to the "MEN's" section. With that said, we're both a bit of a paradox. We always get eyed at by middle aged housewives and teenage girls, as if to say "you are both guys, what are you two doing in here?" The glances don't bother me much; frankly I could care less what any of these individuals think..all I care about is getting my sniff on and leaving with some candles..okay?! *finger snap
It's the attitude from some of the employees that bothers me. The SAs assume that I'm straight so either I'm told about all of the great products for MEN or as I'm looking at the candles and various body sprays and lotions (which I don't usually buy but I still look at and sniff) it's assumed that I must looking for something for my mom or girlfriend. *eyeroll
There's one store that I like to go to because they always have what I'm looking for and then some. The only problem with this store is that there is one overly anxious overly congenial SA that works there who loves to follow me around and point stuff out to me. First of all, I HATE when SAs at any store follow me around constantly asking if I need help and or making recommendations, usually for something I wasn't remotely interested in in the first place. Secondly, it's safe to say that I know more about BBW products than most of the SAs and more often than not, the information they gave me, I already knew! So I politely smile and thank them for the kind advice while saying to myself, "bitch please!" I digress. What makes this particular SA super annoying to me is that every single time I'm there she directs me to the "MEN'S" section and always makes recommendations of what to buy the "woman in my life" Really, REALLY?!
Then there's another store I go regularly at one of our major malls here. One of the SAs is a super sweet super effeminate gay guy who I have become friends with. I was there with my bf during SAS and we were looking in 50-75% off bins of sprays, lotions and soaps. He comes over wondering why we were looking at "girl stuff" and sweetly and politely directed us to the.... "MEN'S" section! We told him that we were actually looking for something to buy my mom and grandma for their upcoming birthdays.... but still! I looked him like "REALLY?!" Granted just because I'm gay (and he knows that I am) doesn't mean that I necessarily like "girly things" but then again I might and that's my prerogative! If I did like the smell of some girly girl body spray or lotion, it's not because I'm gay but I just like the smell of said girly girl body spray or lotion. Also, a couple of times that I've been there, he'll immediately grab a "cologne-y" type candle for me to smell; like one time he presented me with Boathouse Row even though I already had a couple at home. Granted I personally enjoy cologney type candles like Boathouse Row but it was just the principle of the thing!
In both of these cases, the SAs were following work protocol by making gender based recommendations...and that's wrong! However I also think they were going by instinct and assumptions based on strict puritanical rules of gender/orientation in our culture.
BBW listen up....it is okay for straight men to enjoy things like candles. Not all straight men want their domicile to smell like foot and ass or buffalo wings and beer. (this makes me think of the infamous men's line of Yankee candles...sooo stupid!) Not all men entering BBW are interested in the..."MEN'S" section nor are they necessarily looking for something to buy for "the women in their lives"...and that doesn't make them gay! With that said, do not assume that we gay men are girls with penises thus that we must like all things girly. There are those of us who like the more manly scents that BBW has to offer but some of us don't...AND THAT'S OKAY! And it absolutely has NOTHING to do with sexual orientation but rather taste. And the same goes for women. If a woman leaves the store with a Mahogany Teakwood or a Boathouse Row or a Black Pepper Bergamot (*orgasmic sigh), that doesn't mean that she bought for her husband/boyfriend; she simply prefers and enjoys those scents, PERIOD END OF DISCUSSION!
Lesson of the day.. DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS OR YOU'LL MAKE AN ASS OF YOURSELF
If you are straight, you obviously must be buying something for the little lady. Certainly not yourself. And if you are, you are immediately sent to the "MEN'S" section with all those manly smelling shower gels and body sprays and colognes that emphasizes masculinity ad nauseam because, as a man in an umanly environment, you must be reminded of such.
If you are gay, unless you're super effeminate and flamboyant, you are assumed to be straight and once again are sent to the "MEN'S" section cuz no MAN would be interested in something girly like..oh I dunno...CANDLES!!! And if you are effeminate and flamboyant, it is assumed that you do indeed like the girly stuff so there is no need to bring up the "MEN's" section at all.
This is the overall attitude of both customers and employees.
I myself am an unassuming unflamboyant yet out and proud gay man in a relationship with a man (who does come across as very straight)...and we both love BBW candles and soaps and sprays and shower gels and neither one of us pay much attention to the "MEN's" section. With that said, we're both a bit of a paradox. We always get eyed at by middle aged housewives and teenage girls, as if to say "you are both guys, what are you two doing in here?" The glances don't bother me much; frankly I could care less what any of these individuals think..all I care about is getting my sniff on and leaving with some candles..okay?! *finger snap
It's the attitude from some of the employees that bothers me. The SAs assume that I'm straight so either I'm told about all of the great products for MEN or as I'm looking at the candles and various body sprays and lotions (which I don't usually buy but I still look at and sniff) it's assumed that I must looking for something for my mom or girlfriend. *eyeroll
There's one store that I like to go to because they always have what I'm looking for and then some. The only problem with this store is that there is one overly anxious overly congenial SA that works there who loves to follow me around and point stuff out to me. First of all, I HATE when SAs at any store follow me around constantly asking if I need help and or making recommendations, usually for something I wasn't remotely interested in in the first place. Secondly, it's safe to say that I know more about BBW products than most of the SAs and more often than not, the information they gave me, I already knew! So I politely smile and thank them for the kind advice while saying to myself, "bitch please!" I digress. What makes this particular SA super annoying to me is that every single time I'm there she directs me to the "MEN'S" section and always makes recommendations of what to buy the "woman in my life" Really, REALLY?!
Then there's another store I go regularly at one of our major malls here. One of the SAs is a super sweet super effeminate gay guy who I have become friends with. I was there with my bf during SAS and we were looking in 50-75% off bins of sprays, lotions and soaps. He comes over wondering why we were looking at "girl stuff" and sweetly and politely directed us to the.... "MEN'S" section! We told him that we were actually looking for something to buy my mom and grandma for their upcoming birthdays.... but still! I looked him like "REALLY?!" Granted just because I'm gay (and he knows that I am) doesn't mean that I necessarily like "girly things" but then again I might and that's my prerogative! If I did like the smell of some girly girl body spray or lotion, it's not because I'm gay but I just like the smell of said girly girl body spray or lotion. Also, a couple of times that I've been there, he'll immediately grab a "cologne-y" type candle for me to smell; like one time he presented me with Boathouse Row even though I already had a couple at home. Granted I personally enjoy cologney type candles like Boathouse Row but it was just the principle of the thing!
In both of these cases, the SAs were following work protocol by making gender based recommendations...and that's wrong! However I also think they were going by instinct and assumptions based on strict puritanical rules of gender/orientation in our culture.
BBW listen up....it is okay for straight men to enjoy things like candles. Not all straight men want their domicile to smell like foot and ass or buffalo wings and beer. (this makes me think of the infamous men's line of Yankee candles...sooo stupid!) Not all men entering BBW are interested in the..."MEN'S" section nor are they necessarily looking for something to buy for "the women in their lives"...and that doesn't make them gay! With that said, do not assume that we gay men are girls with penises thus that we must like all things girly. There are those of us who like the more manly scents that BBW has to offer but some of us don't...AND THAT'S OKAY! And it absolutely has NOTHING to do with sexual orientation but rather taste. And the same goes for women. If a woman leaves the store with a Mahogany Teakwood or a Boathouse Row or a Black Pepper Bergamot (*orgasmic sigh), that doesn't mean that she bought for her husband/boyfriend; she simply prefers and enjoys those scents, PERIOD END OF DISCUSSION!
Lesson of the day.. DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS OR YOU'LL MAKE AN ASS OF YOURSELF
This is a long overdue post. I completely agree with you and I'm glad something has finally been said. Nothing is more irritating than me picking up Twilight Woods and the SA saying "Oh, shopping for your wife?" If by wife you mean my super hot boyfriend, then, ummm yes. lol. :)
ReplyDeleteLol i know right?!
DeleteIsn't that annoying as hell?
I mean i get it, the SAs are doin their job so I can't fault them too much. I do blame management and corporate for enforcing this sort of thing. However it's still irritating as I dunno what!
Btw twilight woods is pretty nice! I like midnight pomegranate myself. Take that BBW lol
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I enjoyed your post about this subject :-) I also appreciate the point of view that men (gay or straight) have on all scents BBW has to offer, whether it be girly or manly! All the gay men in my life seem to want nothing to do with BBW, their loss,lol! My brother is gay, and I've given birth to two little girls for a gay couple as a gestational surrogate. Thanks for all your insight!
ReplyDeletelet me start off by saying you sound amazing; I'd totally light some candles, sip wine and girltalk about bbw with ya! lol
Deleteit's funny; with the exception of my bf and my best friend, I don't any gay guys who are into bbw. like you said, their loss lol
anyhoo, thank you so much for checkin out my lil blog and I'm very that you enjoyed this post!