RANT OF THE DAY: Over-rated Fall Scents; Fallcation

So as everyone already knows (or at least should know), I LOVE fall scents and for the first time since maybe 2013, I'm actually excited (for the most part) about what is being released. That said, there are just some fall scents that I am just beyond sick and tired seeing all the damn time.

So here is a list 10 scents that desperately needs a fallcation STAT....

10. Marshmallow Fireside - I'm gonna cause an angry mob by saying this but MF is very over-rated. I think I might the only person on the planet who genuinely dislikes this scent. Honestly, can anyone tell me what the appeal is? And what I find funny is that the main people who gush over this candle are the ones who typically despise woody and/or fiery scents. Is it just because of the marshmallow? In that case why not just get Vanilla Bean/Vanilla Pumpkin Marshmallow and eliminate the middle man? And with Pumpkin Fireside out this year, is there really a need for another burnt vanilla scent?

9. Flannel - this scent appeared out of nowhere back in '13 and it has been a staple ever since...and I don't know why. I bought it that one year, hated it and never bought another one. And it's one of the few candles ever that aggravated my sinuses. This is another scent that I just don't understand the appeal. And it seems that mainly women are into this scent; none of my guy candle buddies are into this scent at all - honestly, are there any men out there that actually likes this? It's ironic cuz the same ladies who loves this scents hate on other cologney scents; sooo, what's different about this one?

8. Pumpkin Apple - Can we all just agree that this scent is generic and pointless? It's the most basic smelling Michael's craft store smelling scent ever. With scents like Leaves and Pumpkin Carving and Spiced Pumpkin Cider, Harvest Gathering, do you really need this scent? And the candle just smells like a waxy cinnamon scented crayon. PA is utterly, totally, completely unnecessary!

7. Vanilla Pumpkin Marshmallow - this scent just annoys the hell outta me cuz it's sole existence is just to pander to the basic bitches of America. Can we just be real for minute...y'all do know there is no pumpkin in the scent right? If forced by gunpoint, you could say there's a hint of fall spice...but fall spice does not equal pumpkin. If this was marketed as a Little Debbie oatmeal creme pie or a whoopie pie, I could probably get on board. But no, it's a vanilla pumpkin marshmallow...wtf is a vanilla pumpkin marshmallow? And not only is it bad enough that we see this crap in fall, its back with a vengeance in the spring with "bean" replacing "pumpkin". In my opinion, VPM is the Lena Dunham of fall scents and I am as indifferent to her as I am this scent.

6. Farmstand Apple - now unlike most of the scents on this list, I can't blame the basic bitches of America for this scent being constantly re-released. I solely blame BBW and their unyielding delusion that FA is an amazing enough apple scent to rerelease. Oh and BBW, yall can change the name all you want, you're simply gilding the lily. A new name doesn't take away from the fact this is one of the most generic, artificial and straight stank apple scents in the history of apple scents. Honeycrisp Apple..more like Honeycrap Apple. And we can't escape this mess cuz y'all insist on bring it back in the spring and summer. Suncrisp Apple, really BBW? And y'all had the audacity to make this crap the official 4th of July candle. It didn't make feel patriotic; whoever thought that was a good idea needs to be tarred and feathered and then executed in front of a firing squad for treason!
  
5. Salted Caramel - I can not be only person who who thinks this candle is gross. Most caramel scents make me sick to my stomach and this one in particular is the worst offender. In the past this was marketed as a candy scent and then a sauce but now it's a drink - what suicidal bloated diabetic masochist gulps straight salted caramel? Again, here's another bipolar scent that doesn't know which season it belongs cuz it's back in action in the winter. Maybe this scent wouldn't be so disgusting if that intense savory caramel note was cut with another gourmand note - nuts or popcorn or chocolate or shortbread, give me something more than just caramel

4. Caramel Pumpkin Swirl - every time I see this scent, my eyes roll my teeth itch my butt clinches! I want someone to tell me right now as eloquently and succinctly as they can what is the appeal of this scent? What is it's purpose? If this isn't the basic bitchiest fall scent ever, then I don't know what is! This scent is a perfect example of BBW pandering and catering to the tastes of basic bitches. With scents like Pumpkin Caramel Latte, Creamy Pumpkin, Cider Lane, and Caramel Apple/Home, why the f*** do we yet another cinnamon caramel scent. And it would be one thing if this smells breathtaking ah-mazing but it doesn't - it smells generic and lame. And much like it's homegurl VPM, CPS has a case of bipolar schizophrenia with it reappearing in winter as Caramel CINNAMON Swirl - which further emphasize BBW persistent habit of replacing cinnamon with pumpkin.

3. Mahogany Teakwood - when the first came out as a fall scent back in '12, I kinda fell for the BS. The following year it became a summer scent. Now we see every f***in season 365 days in year! My question is why? We do we see it so much? MT is the Japanese Cherry Blossom of fall/cologney scents. And why was it marketed as primarily a fall scent in the first place and still is to this day? Nothing and I mean nothing about this scent says fall. And much like Flannel, it seems that most women enjoy this scent yet rant and rave and rail against "cologney" scents and yet this is the most obvious cologney scent of them all - don't believe me, just walk past an Abercrombie & Fitch store and see for yourself. Can we all just agree that we see this scent waaaayyy too much and it ain't all that. MT is like a big ol gay "YASSS" screaming hipster bear who swears he's hot and the life of the party and BBW is the girlfriend who drags him around and thinks he fabulous when in actually he's annoying as f***! It needs to go NOW
     
2. Pumpkin Pecan Waffles - I want every one to take a few cleansing breaths and repeat after me... PPW SUCKS! It does, it sucks..hard..it's like a ho late on rent! It doesn't smell like waffles, pecan pumpkin or otherwise. I dunno what this mess smells like, but waffles it most certainly does not. Pandering, obvious blatant pandering. And once again, the grand scale of impressive suckiness can not be contained in fall, it's back in action in spring where it has magically transformed from maple syrup drowned waffles to sugary sweet pecan pie. And this year (as with Caramel Pumpkin Swirl), BBW had the nerve to put it in two different collections at the same time..REALLY?! The hype around this mess of scent perplexes and irritates me to no end; the hype is of Watermelon Lemonade type proportion. I hate this scent so passionately that I want to create a cyborg a la The Terminator, send him back to 2013 and assassinate the scent genius who created PPW.

1. Shit Cinnamon Pumpkin - I've told this story many times - my bf bought SCP for the first time years ago; we lit it once and instantly hated it! It hung around untouched and unlit for years until we moved to Jersey where I promptly threw it away. My dislike of SCP was so intense that it turned me off to all pumpkin scents for the longest time. SCP is just stank, period end of story. It just smells like burnt cinnamon ass! SCP is just obnoxiously gross and yet BBW insists on bring back fall after fall year after year. And the damn basic bitches of America losing their pumpkin spiced minds over this crap on BBW's social media pages like it is the best thing ever...it's not bitches, it's just not! And with Pumpkin Carving and Pumpkin Pie (two obviously superior scents to those with sophisticated noses and actually smells like pumpkin)  in our lives, there is absolutely no reason for SCP to exist. It's like bringing Ethel Merman back from the dead and having her warble alongside Cher and Lady Gaga..it's just not right. If there was ever a recurring scent that needed desperately to retire and disappear, it would be SCP! If given the choice, I'd gladly take WL, MT and JCB over SCP!  


I'd like to throw Coconut Pumpkin and Pumpkin Spiced Cheesecake into the ring as honorary mentions. Both are Slatkin repackages ( Toasted Coconut and Brown Butter Praline respectively) which under normal circumstances would deserve a resounding standing ovation...except the fact that they were two extremely unpopular scents that no one liked and were quickly forgotten. I'm all for Slatkin scents making comebacks..providing they are actually good scents, which these two were not. CP is a Frankestein-like monstrosity of basic bitchery - two popular basic bitch scents forming an unholy union, a perfect blend for the less discerning. PSC had potential; it had me fooled into thinking it was a new nice scent. I came to my senses and brought it back to the store to exchange. Despite being new to BBW, they are quickly becoming the new PPW and CPS - two overhyped less than amazing fall scents that we're gonna see year and year after year and at some point we're so gonna see both scents again either as a winter scent or worse, a spring/summer scent. Hopefully BBW will stop the madness before it begins but I have my doubts.


9 comments:

  1. There seem to be a plethora of pumpkiny scents that are sickeningly sweet. I stay away from too much of that, and the pumpkin coconut crap sounds disgusting. My kids love the Marshmallow Fireside scent.. I'm over it. It smells like the bottom of a plastic pumpkin bucket after all the good Halloween candy is gone.
    Thanks again for this awesome update!

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    1. LMAO that is the best and most accurate description I have ever heard!

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  2. I'm back! And I can't remember if I brought this up to you last year or not.. but if you have time, riddle me this.

    A long while back there was a fall scent, Acorn & Fig (which I still have a few of the mini size) : A medley of fresh apricot, juicy pear, and fig blended with fresh cut birchwood and creamy sandalwood. It was my favorite fall scent.. so of course it disappeared after a while leaving me sad.
    Then comes along Autumn Day, A crisp, autumn medley celebrating the changing seasons and the beauty of harvest with notes of fresh cut cedar, juicy fig and sandalwood.
    Smells almost EXACTLY like my Acorn & Fig. And of course they stopped selling it.

    Now I see they have Autumn Day back again.. yeahy! BUT, the description is yet again different. "Crisp Red Apple, Green Fig, White Birch, Cedar"

    So, tell me oh wise one, do they smell the same? Unfortunately I don't have the luxury of walking into a store and having a good sniff at each, but I'm now thinking that I don't want to purchase Autumn Day if it isn't like the other. lol
    Thank you for your advice and help.

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    1. Whoops, forgot to mention.. is this difference in scent descriptions because one was a Slatkin and this is now a White Barn scent?

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    2. No, that has nothing to do with it. It's a marketing ploy; certain notes just sound more appealing especially to people who aren't knowledgeable about fragrance notes to begin with.

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    3. Yes, they are all the same. Don't always believe the notes you read cuz most often than not, it's all BS. Anything that sounds more mass appeal-y.

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    4. Yes, they are all the same. Don't always believe the notes you read cuz most often than not, it's all BS. Anything that sounds more mass appeal-y.

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  3. I LOVE this rant!!! Can BBW please just release candles in the fall with some damn pumpkin please! Love Pumpkin Carving and Pumpkin Pie, but a new blend with pumpkin in it and not just in name would be fantastic! I did enjoy the 3 layer pumpkin candle last year because I loved the creamy pumpkin and roasted pumpkin butter layers and could have done without the sweet cinnamon pumpkin layer. And I agree that SCP needs to go!!! And the candle can take the body care with it lol!!

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    1. Ugh, I'm soooo tired of pumpkin.... or rather cinnamon scents BBQ labels as pumpkin. Is it too hard to ask for a balance of classics and newness for fall, hell all year for that matter! Rant over lol

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