NEWNESS UPDATE/NEW IDEA OF THE DAY: Southern and miscellaneous candles (and what I'd replace em with)

So in a post I wrote awhile back, I mentioned with surprising optimism that at first glance that spring might not be a hot mess as it was in the past and that we might actually get to see some good stuff. Well I was wrong! It seems that BBW still refuses to learn from their mistake and are continuing to repackage trifling scents in uninspired collections with cutesy cutesy packaging to get the basic bitches of America happy!

So let's start at the beginning...

As y'all know, a new candle has popped up simply called "Love"; crimson red wax with the same down home country packaging as that White Barn bakery collection. Intrigued? Don't be! It's the same "Love" candle from the Happy Home collection...aka Mother's Day 2014/Pink Petals aka Peony Petals aka Electric Tokyo/Tokyo Petals...really BBW?!

REPLACEMENT: Pink Petal Teacake: come the f***  on BBW!!! Give the f***ing people what they want! You know folks have been clamoring for that friggin candle since it first came out..or would you rather people buy on Evilbay?! Futhermore PPTC just makes sense...waaaayyyyy more since than goddamn muthaeffin Tokyo Petals. I sweartagawd, you guys obsess over the most basic of scents!

For Easter, we unfortunately will see the dreaded return of Easter ~ Cotton Candy Marshmallow..the same Easter candle from last spring which had nothing to do with Cotton candy or marhsmallow (and wtf is a cotton candy marshmallow?) or Easter for that matter and was a repackage of Saltwater Taffy aka Strawberry Picnic aka Strawberry Sorbet. Given the outcry from diehard fans (myself included), it's pretty damn ballsy for them to release this again. And to insure their lazy success, they raised the cutesy ante on this bastard - tri color pastel wax colors and a drawing of a (creepy) bunny and eggs. It isn't even in stores yet and basic bitches are creaming in their yoga tights!

REPLACEMENT: Cotton Candy - I probably thought I was gonna say Lavender Marshmallow...which under normal circumstances I would. But seeing as though we currently have Paris ~ Lavender Macaron which smells extremely close to LM, it just wouldn't make sense. So instead I'm going with this Slatkin classic since BBW insists on this cotton candy marshmallow BS. You already have a cotton candy scent in your vaults, USE IT!!!


Surprise surprise, we have yet another tropical beachy Hawaiian collection...yay. Given the onslaught of tropical island scents we endured last spring/summer, you would think BBW would've chilled out this year...nope! It just in't spring/summer at BBW without a barrage of tropical coconutty bullshit!

Rainforest Gardenia - ugh this scent just came out not to long ago and I'm already sick of it

REPLACEMENT: Beach Cabana - just a much bertter alternative, it's not summer without it

Ocean Driftwood - ...... no comment

REPLACEMENT: Mahogany Coconut - I can't believe that I'm defending this scent but it's actually really good! And it has a much more summery/beachy vibe to it than OD

Honolulu Sun - basic, basic BASIC

REPLACEMENT: Suntan/Poolside - People went apeshit over this scent so why not bring this back?!

Sunset Beach - another basic scent

REPLACEMENT: Caribbean Salsa or Calypso Sun - both of these are so fresh and juicy and tropical, waaaayyyy better than SB

So many scents could be added - Coastal Sun, Pineapple Palm Grass (or Pineapple Punch or Pineapple Orchid), Bahama Fizz (or Banana Kiwi Colada), Starfruit Crush, Tropical Spice, Island Waters, Beach Day, Mango Beachwood, Aloha Vanilla, White Palm, Coconut Water, White Orchid Lei, Hawaiian Hibiscus..the list goes on

Coconut Leaves and Black Sands can stay


And now, last but certainly not least, the real reason for this post... this damn Southern collection...Lame, lame LAME from the top to bottom! It only has two new scents...

White Tea and Ginger - Our classic White Tea and Ginger fragrance balance delicate white tea leaves with sparkling citrus and a hint ginger for a fresh irresistible fragrance (I've heard it basically smells like Eucalyptus Tea mixed with Orange Ginger)

REPLACEMENT: Raspberry Sun Tea - an actual tea drink that people actually drink; I think most Southerners would drink raspberry flavored ice tea than ginger white tea. Plus this scent hasn't been in rotation in years, give it another try!

OR: Peachy Tea - again, this just makes more sense. Plus this is "peachy" so it would fit the Southern theme

Strawberry Vanilla - Add a juicy sweetness to any spring day with the scent of ripe garden strawberries infused with fresh vanilla (I wonder if this Wild Strawberry from Fresh Picked/Market 2012)

REPLACEMENT: Strawberry Rhubarb Marmalade - this was extremely popular scent and the most authentic strawberry scent to date, why not take advantage of it?!

Returning scents includes...

Sundress - ugh, such a lame scent and strangely un-feminine despite what the name suggests

REPLACEMENT: Sunkissed Blossom - now this long-forgotten scent would make a better alternative. I mean look at the notes - peach nectar, jasmine flower, garden freesia and lilac...tell me that doesn't sound like a Southern Belle...hey, that could be the name!

OR: Sunflower: another more appropriate alternative. Again look at the notes - mandarin, grapefruit, green tea, sheer musk and white woods... doesn't that sounds more "Sundress-y"?

Praline Pecan Cobbler - If this isn't one of the most over-rated scents EVER! What the hell is a "praline pecan cobbler"? If they called Southern Pecan Pie, that would make more sense...but it would still be a lame and basic scent

REPLACEMENT:Home ~ Sweet Caramel Comfort/Caramel Apple - this is such warm cozy and comforting scent and much more delicious and inviting you than PPC.

OR: Summer Boardwalk - Given how people were OBSESSED over this scent back, it's kinda strange that BBW hasn't brought it back to capitalize on it's past popularity. People would lose their proverbial shit if this sucker came back!

Beautiful Day - this is one of those scents that BBW is obsessed with and makes any opportunity to shove it our faces. Including this one, there are already 3 versions out all at the time

REPLACEMENT: Garden Party - this was such a GORGEOUS floral scent and it was only out once ...why oh why hasn't BBW brought this back?! It was rosy and feminine without being powdery or perfumey and dewy and fresh without smelling moldy. It's sooooo much better Beautiful Day. I'm begging y'all...bring this back!

Sweet Pea - this is a cute lil scent but certainly nothin special

REPLACEMENT: Southern Magnolia - this came out twice and both times it failed. Bring it back and try again. Plus it has friggin SOUTHERN in the name..hello!!!

OR: Bloom/First Bloom - such a beautiful, fresh dewy floral, perfect for spring

Georgia Peach - ughhhhhhh

REPLACEMENT: Summer Melon - again, came out twice and failed both times. I dunno why BBW is so hesitant to put out melon scents, it just doesn't make sense. Can we PLEASE  a melon scent?!

OR: Cucumber Melon - since y'all seem to be bodycare turned home fragrance kick, bring back this awesome signature scent and gives us some nostalgia of better days at BBW

Eucalyptus Mint & Rain - ok I can't lie I do like this scent but I feel like we can do a bit better

REPLACEMENT: Renew & Refresh - it's very strange that this spring staple wasn't brought back this year. And this just seems to fit the country day in the south feel more than

Watermelon Lemonade - ABSOLUTELY NO COMMENT

REPLACEMENT: Summertime Soda - come the eff on! Yall know people even after all these years are clamoring for this failed test scent; why do yall outright refuse to bring this back?!

Bowties and Bourbon can stay


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