RANT OF THE DAY: 2018 ~ No More Candle Drama in my Life

For as long as I have been a part of the candle community, there has always been drama and negativity. Let's be honest, no community is free from the ignorant, the highly-opinionated, the petulant/childish and the straight up cray. That said, I am of the opinion that the amount of negativity and drama has escalated lately for whatever reason. And I am over it! I feel as though 2018 will be the year of changes being made - a year of renewal and rebirth, of personal/spiritual cleansing, of letting go, of doing things differently to be a better you. Starting now, I want our candle community to do and be better, with more positivity and inclusiveness. Here are some things that we as candle enthusiasts (myself included) need to stop doing....


1. Buying candles to show off
With so many candle enthusiasts flooding IG over the past couple of years, there has been an increase of this. We're all guilty of it; what's the first thing we do once we get home from our day of candle shopping? We stack them all up nice and neat and we take a picture to post on IG. There's nothing wrong with showing off your haul to your fellow candle enthusiasts. The problem comes in when you're buying candles (especially candles you don't like) for the sole reason of showing them off. Or the folks who drive who knows how many miles to a test store just so they can be the first person on IG to post about them. Or spending who knows much money buying a candle off eBay or Mercari and posting a pic of it as soon as you take it out of the box and unwrap it. If you're going thru all of this just so you can show it off on social media, that's cray! It just reeks of "I have something, you don't have" and makes your followers annoyed and envious and lacking; it causes FOMO induced candle thirst and prompts people to go thru crazy lengths to get their hands on it as well..and the cycle continues. You also have Thirsty Thelmas buying certain candles just because everyone else is and they don't wanna be left out...why?! What's the point?!

  • buy candles because you like em and they make you happy, not so you can show off and fit in.



2. Being greedy and buying all the candles you see in the store
I believe that anyone who buys more than 10 candles at time (unless it's Candle Day or a $10 Flash Sale during SAS) is cray...particularly when one is buying multiples of ONE scent only. Someone could be at the store looking for a certain candle and can't find any cuz someone's greedy ass bought them all. And it's easy to say "oh, well not my problem; finders keepers, loser weepers" but that attitude just promotes greediness and selfishness. It also goes back to my original first point about showing off cuz what's the firs thing you're gonna do once you get home - stack your haul up and post it on IG to either show off you have the financial means to buy all of this stuff or used whatever scamming trick to get more for less.



  • buy within your means and limit your purchases
  • ask yourself” Do I need all of this?" "Will I use all of this?" "Can I afford all of this?" "Do I have space for all of this?"



3. Promoting addiction and hoarding under the guise of "collecting"
We are all guilty of joking about being "candle addicts" and being "addicted" to BBW and calling ourselves "#candlehoarders". The sad reality is that shopping addiction and hoarding is real and very prevalent in the candle community and it's sugarcoated under the guise of "collecting"; any time I hear the word "collecting" or buying things for their "collection", I get suspicious. I immediately wonder how can they afford to have such a collection and keep adding to it constantly as well as how do they have the space to have such a collection? There's nothing wrong with buying things that make you happy however the problem comes in when you...

a) lack will and succumb to impulse buys or FOMO purchases
b) buy things simply for the adrenaline rush
c) use material objects to fill an emotional void/hole
d) feel the need to show off how you paid for them
e) buy things despite not having space for them

There's a very fine line between collecting and hoarding and many can not see or acknowledge the difference. And many individuals need to sit back and really ask themselves "am I truly "addicted " to BBW?

Furthermore, over the past couple of years, there has been this notion/idea that one should have a certain number of candles (preferably over 100) to be deemed worthy of calling oneself a candle lover/enthusiast/connoisseur etc. We oh-and-ah over folks having 100+ candles and lord knows I was guilty of it but lately I've become more impressed by the actual scents in one's collection (scents I've owned, Slatkin treasures and failed test scents, etc.) and not the sheer number in one's collection. And on social media, I have seen folks with somewhere between 1-20 candles being belittled and looked down upon for having such a paltry collection and are encouraged to buy more thus increasing their collection to a more worthier loftier level. And people actually do it!

I will admit, I am one of those individuals with 100+ candles but it wasn't intentional; over time it just happened. I don't brag about it or show it off cuz I don't believe it's something worth bragging about or showing off; I don't want to rub it in people's face and make them feel ashamed. And I refuse to sponsor/endorse/perpetuate the ridiculous notion that a "collection" like mine is worth having. 


  • know the difference between collecting and hoarding
  • don't feel ashamed of what little you have - less is more
  • be leery of those constantly showing off their "collection"
  • quality over quantity; be more impressed by WHAT is in a person's collection and not HOW MUCH is in it
  • if you can't fit all your candles in one space, you have too many! 
  • decrease your stash before you buy more; burn/gift/sell/exchange scents you don't want or like 


4. Remaining willfully ignorant
*by ignorant, I mean its proper definition of not knowing information and intentionally lacking knowledge of certain subjects

I've seen this allllllll the time...especially from the newbies. I'll give useful info about a scent and they'll retort back with "I wasn't into BBW back then/I just got into BBW so it's all new to me" Really? Or folks not knowing what the original scent of a repackage was or "reviewers" not knowing what a certain fragrance note is and/or what it smells like..or even how to pronounce it. There's an overall"ignorance is bliss" kind of attitude in the candle community, especially amongst the newer set and I don't really understand it.

Hey, we we're all newbies at one point. Not too long ago, I was; I knew nothing about everything and I hated it. So, I educated myself; I watched old reviews of past scents, I learned about fragrance making, I smelled different herbs and flowers and spices when I could. That not only made me a better reviewer but it made me appreciate not just BBW candles but fragrance in general even more.

With the advent and quality of smartphones, there's no excuse to be in the dark as there is a plethora of information right at your fingertips. That old adage is true - knowledge IS power!


  • watch and read reviews of scents that came out before your time
  • smell herbs and flowers and spices at markets and gardens and even perfumes/colognes at the counter
  • don't know what a fragrance note is or what it smells like or how to pronounce it? LOOK IT UP!!! Google, for the most part, is your friend    
  • hello, read thru my blog! It's a veritable cornucopia of information that is here for you!



5. Asking questions easily answered another way
Look, I LOVE answering questions from fellow candle lovers but sometimes it can be a little much if not flat-out annoying. As a society, we lack patience and want everything immediately at that moment; we don't like looking things up and finding answers on our own.  So I'll have folks asking a question that could've easily been answered with a Google search or (and this is extremely annoying) could've been answered if the person took time to read what I wrote thus answering their own question. I do try answer peoples' questions when I can (despite what this blog and IG account may suggest, I do have a life) but some peoples' questions are way too silly for me to waste my time and energy answering.

Also, people need to stop assuming that we reviewers have infinite knowledge about all things BBW. There are times, contrary to popular belief, that we know as little as you! And I'll let you in a secret... unlike another BBW candle personalities, I don't have the inside scoop/info hookup; I don't work at BBW, I don't have SA friends, I've never spoken to any manager anywhere and when I'm actually in a store (which is not as often as you may think), I go in, sniff around, buy what I want to buy and promptly leave. Bottom-line, you wanna know what's a repackage of what or what a scent is or what I think of it or when it came out.. I'm your guy. However I am NOT a candle clairvoyant who knows when a collection comes out nor am I an employee who knows the ends and outs of BBW's policies.



  • before you ask a question to anyone, ask yourself if it could be answered with either common sense, reading comprehension or a Google search



6. Challenging opinions with another opinion
You see this alll time on IG. A person says that they dislike a scent for whatever reason and people will come out of the woodwork to say how much they love it..as if to say, "your opinion is invalid because it is not the same as mine" and "how dare you not like a scent that I love". Or the opposite occurs - a person likes a scent and another person goes on a long diatribe about why they don't like it or that it has bad performance or that they don't care for certain types of scents. Why? You stating your case is not gonna make the other person change their mind so what's the point?! People get very..."passionate" about candles and take remarks about certain scents very personally, as if they came up with the fragrance blend themselves and handpicked the wicks in the comfort of their homes. They take umbrage and end up getting quite butthurt at the very notion of their opinions being challenged. It's just not that serious! It's candle talk, not creating a cure for cancer.



  • if you disagree with someone, ask yourself if it's worth engaging. Sometimes it's best not to waste your time and energy to just scroll by and move on
  • opinions are like farts - you don't need to do it front of people. And two people farting at each other makes for a smelly environment.
  • no one likes a keyboard warrior
  • realize that sometimes your opinion probably isn't going to each anyone's mind and that you're just screaming into the wind



7. Allowing negativity for the sake of being nice
Up until recently, I was of the habit of following anyone and everyone who followed me...which lead to a clusterfuck of either boring or unsavory personalities cluttering up my newsfeed. I grew weary of basic selfies from dry people I didn't know, pretentious inspirational quotes and unfunny memes. I stopped doing that and only followed fellow candle accounts but found myself with the same problem - a cacophony of stupidity, fuckery, narcissism, greediness and arrogance; folks calling themselves "reviewers" but couldn't review anything if a gun was pointed at them, people saying the most silly and absurd things about a candle, folks showing off whatever scam they use to get more for less, arrogant people shouted their opinions of the rooftops but presenting them in an illiterate and uneducated manner and childish petulant assholes "throwing shade" at others in the candle community...but I put up with it for the sake of being "nice". Eventually I got tired of it; I was tired of being hit with a barrage of negativity so I started to slim down the herd. I started unfollowing people left and right and I don't regret it; if anything, I feel better, cleansed and refreshed. Now I actually want to go on my newsfeed and not roll my eyes or facepalm myself based on what I see.

Whether it's IG or Twitter or Facebook, you should ONLY follow people you know and/or like and/or respect. Your newsfeed should be filled with things that distract you in a good way; things you agree with, things that make your smile, that uplifts you, that educates you; what people post should NOT annoy or anger you. And you might not totally agree with what they say but at least they present their case in an either clear, concise, insightful and literate manner, perhaps with some humor or a little bit of shade. Do NOT feel compelled to put up with a person's foolery and fuckery for the sake of being nice. Following negative people (both in real life and on social media) is like holding in a big poo for fear of its stink upsetting yours or other's delicate sensibilities. It's uncomfortable and, most importantly, it's unhealthy with its bacteria and gases and toxins doing all kinds of damage to your body. At some point you must let it all out and you feel so much better once you do.


  • follow candle accounts for their expertise and their insight NOT because of what they own and how much they own
  • be more critical of people you follow; there are a lot of whackadoos in the candle community and wolves in sheep’s' clothing, you'll find yourself with weeds disguised as flowers in your garden
  • the unfollow button and even the block buttons are your friends, use them with extreme prejudice
  • look to see who is following and engaging with said candle account; if more well-known and prominent candle accounts aren't following them, there is a reason
  • clean out your newsfeed and dispose of people who annoy and anger you; would you live in a dirty house full of garbage and trash? Have the same attitude with your newsfeed    


6. Encouraging bullying
Here's a personal tidbit about me...

I was teased relentlessly from grade school up until high school... to the point that I attempted suicide. That said, I do NOT condone bullying or teasing and gossiping of any kind. Over the years we've seen a steady climb of cyber bullying amongst not just with teens but with grown ass adults who should know better. To me, cyber bullying is the worst and is incredibly cowardly; it's done stealthily under the cover of night, protected and guarded by anonymity and from behind safety of a computer screen or smartphone. These same individuals who talk so much cyber shit lack the balls to say the same things in person face to face. And there is quite a bit of cyber bullying in candle community. It has even happened to me - not often but often enough. Folks screenshooting my page and saying really awful things about me, creating little clandestine groups solely to talk shit about me, folks trying to provoke me into a cyber fight via private messages. It's all soooo stupid and childish. But the worst part is that people engage in it and egg it for the sake of entertainment and amusement. People seem to confuse "throwing shade" with bullying and talking shit, the two are not mutually exclusive.

Throwing shade is a craft that requires good observation and timing as well as quick wit and intelligence. Shade has an element of truth to it; it illuminates a fact in need of pointing out and offers a revelation

Bullying and talking shit are acts of deflection from an insecure and cowardly individual whose uses hurtful language to make themselves feel better and superior at another person's expense.

Throwing shade can be funny or insightful while talking shit is cruel and serves no purpose


  • if you see bullying on any social media platform, report it
  • don't fall for after school fight mob mentality; if you watch a person getting hurt then you are no better than the person doing the hurting
  • if you have something to say to someone, ask yourself if it's worth saying and will it help them be a better person. And if you lack the courage to say what you want to say, it's probably best to not say anything at all
  • block individuals who have a penchant for talking shit and cyber bullying; if you continue to follow them, you are complicit and encouraging their behavior

Here's to a better and more positive candle community for 2018


giphy.com



  

Comments

  1. Some great points!! The first is true in other communities where people collect too.

    ReplyDelete

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